Key Messages:

• Siblings can experience a wide variety of emotions when a brother or sister is diagnosed with cancer. Often, they want to do everything they can to help you.
  
  
• Talking openly to your brother and/or sister about your thoughts, fears, and feelings can help bring everyone closer.
  
  
• Siblings can provide support and help keep your mind off of cancer.

How your siblings may be feeling

Like other family members, siblings are affected by a cancer diagnosis. How cancer affects your siblings will depend on:

• How close your relationship is
  
  
• How old your siblings are
  
  
• How busy they are with their own lives
  
  
• Whether they live with you, nearby, or farther away
  
  
• Whether you have support from a partner.

Your brothers and sisters can experience a variety of emotions, including concern for your health and well-being. Watching a brother or sister struggle with cancer can be difficult. Siblings often worry not only about you, but also about the effects of cancer on your parents and other family members. In addition, your siblings may feel guilty that you have cancer while they are healthy, or even that they may have done something to you to cause the cancer.

Siblings who do not live close by may have a more difficult time coping, especially if they are not able to support you in person. Younger siblings who are children or teenagers are likely to react differently than older siblings. Younger siblings may know very little about cancer and will need age-appropriate and accurate information. They are also affected by changes in family dynamics more than older siblings. If your parents are spending a lot of time helping you, younger siblings who still live at home may feel ignored, left out, or even resentful of the amount of attention you are receiving. And like you, your siblings will miss the way things used to be. Yet, most siblings of any age want to do everything they can to help you and want to feel included in the new family routines.

Talking with your siblings

Talking with your brother or sister about what's going on can help you both feel better. Like most other people, siblings may be afraid to talk with you about the cancer. Your siblings know less about cancer than you do, so help them to better understand the diagnosis and treatment. Talk openly and honestly about your thoughts, feelings, and fears as much as possible. Encourage your siblings to share their own feelings and concerns. You may find that sharing your cancer experience with your siblings brings everyone closer. Try not to blame yourself for any problems your family is having, and don't be afraid to ask for assistance in coping with these problems.

How your siblings can help

Your siblings can play an important role in supporting you. Siblings who are close in age can more easily relate to the stresses, fears, and concerns that you may be experiencing as a young adult with cancer. Younger siblings may not know how to talk with you about cancer. Encourage siblings of any age to talk with you about their fears and ask them to be there to listen when you need someone to talk with. Siblings can also help you in other ways:

• Keeping you company on trips to the hospital or clinic
  
  
• Visiting you at home when you don't feel up to going out
  
  
• Talking, reminiscing, and laughing about things other than cancer
  
  
• Helping you with cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, and other household tasks
  
  
• Helping you communicate news about your treatment and recovery with other family members
  
  
• Spending time doing fun things with you—things that take your mind and theirs off of cancer

More Information

Cancer and Siblings

Cancer in Young Adults

Additional Resources

National Cancer Institute: National Organizations That Offer Services to People with Cancer and Their Families

National Cancer Institute: When Someone in Your Family Has Cancer

National Cancer Institute: When Your Brother or Sister Has Cancer