Key Messages:

• While it may be difficult to talk with your parents about your diagnosis, it is important to keep an open line of communication between you and your parents.
  
  
• Your parents may be able to help you with various situations you may face both in the hospital setting and at home.
  
  
• Asking for help does not mean you have lost your independence, and it may help you fulfill practical and financial needs.

Cancer affects everyone in your family. The effect of cancer on relationships with your parents can vary, depending on how close you are and whether there are others in your life, such as a spouse or partner, that may also provide support.

After your cancer diagnosis, you may feel that your parents become overprotective or that they are trying to take charge. This is a natural and normal reaction on their part. They may want to talk to you frequently, ask a lot of questions, or give unsolicited advice. Your parents spent many years looking after you, and it's natural for them to want to protect and take care of you when you're sick. Your parents are also dealing with their own emotions surrounding a cancer diagnosis, and those of your siblings and other family members.

Talking with your parents

It may be difficult, but try to talk openly with your parents about what you're feeling and thinking, and ask them to do the same. Some young adults don't want to share their worries and fears with their parents because they feel guilty about worrying or upsetting them. However, talking about and sharing your emotions and needs allows you and your parents to work together to resolve problems and support each other. Given the opportunity, your parents can be among your best sources of emotional support, and you may find that your relationship with your parents changes in positive ways. Your parents may have greater respect for you as an independent adult, and your relationship may become more open and supportive. For young adults with a spouse or partner, it is important to find a balance between receiving help from your spouse and your parents. Learn more about talking with your spouse or partner.

How your parents can help you

As a young adult, you are trying to become independent and may not feel comfortable relying on your parents. Be honest about your need for independence as you make your own decisions, but also don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Let your parents know whether you want practical help or just someone to listen to you. Your parents likely have more experience than you in some areas, such as dealing with doctors and insurance companies. Take advantage of your parents' expertise, and allow them to help you in practical ways, including the following:

• Helping you gather information, do research, and take notes at doctors' appointments
  
• Helping you make sense of medical bills and insurance statements
  
• Helping you organize your finances and medical records
  
• Keeping you company on trips to the hospital
  
• Helping you with household tasks, such as shopping, meal preparation, or laundry
  
• Helping you respond to questions and phone calls from friends and other family members

Living arrangements

Though some young adults live at home with their parents, many live in their own home or apartment. If you do not have a spouse, partner, or close friend who can help you at home, there may be times during your treatment when living alone becomes difficult. You may consider asking a parent or other close family member to temporarily move in to help you. Some young adults choose to move back into their parent's home for a while. Moving in with your parents or another family member can seem like you are giving up your independence or are unable to take care of yourself. Rather, you are helping to make sure that your emotional, practical, and financial needs are taken care of, and you are giving your family a role in your care.

More Information

Relationships and Cancer

Cancer in Young Adults