Everyone feels a sense of loss following the death of a loved one, but the way these feelings are experienced and expressed differs across cultures. Each culture has its own rituals and practices that guide grief and help people who are dying and their loved ones cope with loss.

Terms to know

The terms grief and mourning are often used interchangeably, but they mean different things. Grief is a person’s inner and personal response to and experience of loss. Mourning is the outward expression of that grief and includes the cultural practices and customs that follow the death of a loved one. Bereavement refers to the state of having suffered a loss and to the experiences that follow the death of a loved one. Every culture has its own worldview—a core set of beliefs that describe how the world, or universe, works and the roles of people in that world. In societies where most people share the same religion, religious beliefs, and values, this makes up a large part of the culture's structure and worldview. Culture is also made up of the beliefs, values, behaviors, traditions, and rituals that are shared by the members of a cultural group and provide meaning and purpose for one's life.

Culture and the meaning of death

Each culture's worldview includes beliefs about the meaning and purpose of life and what happens after death. Culture informs the meaning of death for each person and, therefore, the feelings each person has as he or she approaches death or the death of a loved one. For example, some people might be eased of the pain of the loss if they believe in a life or existence after death or if they believe they will be born again to a better life. In some cultures, the spirit of a deceased loved one directly influences the living, and bereaved family members may be comforted by knowing that their loved one is watching over them. Beliefs about the meaning of death help people make sense of death and cope with the mystery and fear surrounding dying.

Culture and rituals surrounding death

In each culture, death is surrounded by rituals and customs that help people grieve and mourn. Rituals offer people ways to express their grief, in addition to opportunities for community members to support the bereaved. Death can create chaos and confusion, and rituals can provide a sense of predictability and normalcy for both the bereaved and the wider community. Rituals and customs provide a set of directions that help structure the time surrounding death and describe the roles of different people. Cultural customs and rituals help answer the following questions:

• How the dying person should be cared for as he or she approaches death, including who should be present and any ceremonies that should be performed at the moments before and after death
  
  
• How the body should be handled after death, including how the body should be cleansed and dressed, who should handle the body, and whether the body should be buried or cremated
  
  
• Whether grief should be expressed quietly and privately, or loudly and publicly, such as with public crying, keening, or wailing
  
  
• Whether there are different expectations on how a man should grieve versus a woman, or for children versus adults
  
  
• What ceremonies and rituals should be performed and who should participate, such as children, community members, and friends
  
  
• How long family members are expected to grieve, and how they are expected to dress and behave during the mourning period
  
  
• How the deceased should be remembered over the lifetime of the family, such as through ongoing rituals to celebrate or communicate with the deceased
  
  
• What new roles family members are expected to take on, such as whether a widow is expected to remarry or whether an oldest son is expected to become the family leader

Carrying out familiar rituals and customs offers a sense of stability and security and helps bereaved individuals accept the death of a loved one and to work through their grief.

Personal differences in grief and mourning

People and families adapt the beliefs and values of their culture to meet their own unique experiences, needs, and situations. Because of this, grief responses within a culture vary from person to person, especially in societies made up of people from a variety of cultural backgrounds. A family with members from two or more cultural backgrounds may develop its own unique set of rituals and customs. The grief experiences of members of the family will likely reflect this cultural blend.

In some instances, a person’s experience of grief may be at odds with cultural expectations. Someone who is usually quiet and reserved may not feel he or she can publicly cry as might be expected. Another person may experience a level of despair that feels out of step with his or her culture's belief in life after death. Even given cultural norms and expectations, people need to grieve in ways that feel right to them.

Grief and cultural sensitivity

There is no correct way to grieve or mourn. Customs, behaviors, and feelings that may be considered strange or inappropriate in one culture may be considered appropriate or usual ways of grieving in another culture. Given the differences in mourning rituals and customs, it can be difficult to know how to be sensitive to a grieving person from a different cultural background. Consider the following questions as you support a grieving friend, coworker, or other person from a different cultural background:

• What emotions and behaviors are considered normal grief responses?
  
  
• What are the bereaved family's beliefs surrounding death?
  
  
• Who is expected to attend mourning ceremonies, and how are attendees expected to dress and act?
  
  
• Are gifts, flowers, or other offerings expected?
  
  
• What special days or dates will be significant for the bereaved family?
  
  
• What types of verbal or written condolence are considered appropriate?

To find out more about the customs and mourning practice of someone from another culture, consider talking to someone who shares that cultural background, look for books at your local library, or search for information on the Internet.

More Information

Grief and Bereavement